I love that postal movie!

"I am not a f***ing retard"

"Elly Ross [Eli Roth?] making the same sh**ty movies over and over again"

"All that social critic George Clooney bulls*** what you get every f***ing weekend".

Ah, oovah-bo, how can you not love the guy

Eh, Boll's movies aren't that bad.

There are two kinds of bad movies. "So Bad they're good," and "I wish I could sue the filmmaker for the time taken from my life." Let's investigate the second.
I'm talking the kind of movie that MST3K wouldn't touch with a 20-foot pole.
And try to avoid popular choices\titles. Skip giving an opinion why, for example, "Final Destination" sucked. that's an easy target that novices of horror have seen. In my 28 years of life, I've seen some dire examples of what people consider horror (many from the 80's "shot with a camcorder" revolution), and it's these, the ones that are obscure for good reason, that I wanna see a nice long list of.

My choices to start things off. There are many more I WANT to put down, but thankfully I have forgotten the titles, for some could consider this list as reccomendations, and I do NOT want to be responsible for exposing others to such pitiful excuses for horror.


Slithis (A man in a wetsuit pretending to be a sea monster drinking peoples blood with slurping sound effects so laughable that one CANT laugh.)

Milphetas Monster (people terrified by a monster which eats their garbage, thus posing no real threat to them whatsoever. Beyond hideous. I demanded my money back from the video store, and at 7-8 years old!)

The Oracle (It took years of therapy to remove most memories of this abomination, but the ones that still remain are a bad green glowing effect and that my sister and I agreed that somehow this movie was very anti-woman, more demeaning to its' female characters than any other horror film we'd seen, including "don't go in the house." )

Nightmare Weekend (This movie was so utterly bad that I actually want to to see it again, and this is more scary to me than the actual movie was.)

Blood Cult (This one nearly reduced me to tears, from the BAD acting of the woman screaming at finding body parts in a dumpster to the evil cult medallions which look suspiciously like those chocolate coins covered in gold-colored foil.)

Terror at Tenkiller (This one DID reduce me to tears.)

The Last Slumber Party (this one gave me nightmares, but for all the wrong reasons. I woke up in a pool of sweat screaming after having dreamt that somebody had made a sequel.)

I'll list more If I can remember them...

The Supernaturals: Zombie Confederates battle weekend warriors. A bunch of Star Trek actors sit and talk in the woods for an hour and ten minutes before anything happens. Not quite the dullest confederate zombie film ever made but it's pretty close.

Horror House on Highway 5: There's a killer in a Richard Nixon mask and scenes ripped off from TCM and Phantasm. I'd use the phrase "pile o' shit" but that doesn't full describe how much this movie stinks.

The Howling: New Moon Rising: Most of this film takes place in a real honky tonk bar in Pioneer Town. When a werewolf is shown it's usually footage stolen from previous entries in the Howling series, and those are the best parts of the film. There is lots of bad country music and even worse line-dancing.

Yikes. I could go on all day. I'd hate to think that by posting this, I've accidentally convinced some poor sucker to go rent one of these, so here's my disclaimer: if you value your sanity, eyesight, or even just your free time, do not under any circumstances pursue a selection from this list. Should you come into accidental exposure at your nearest rental outlet, stop, walk calmly out the door, and inform the nearest police officer that there's a public safety hazard in the immediate vicinity. Off the top of my head:

-Nail Gun Massacre. I'm not sure how anyone involved in the production of this film thought it was a good idea. One of the most painfully awful movies I've managed to sit all the way through.

-Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness - Bar none, the worst movie I've ever seen. Ever. I don't think Tim Ritter could direct a third grade talent show. The killer wears a "copper" mask, yet somehow the material pulsates and flexes when he breathes. Fantastic musical score.

-Anything else directed by Tim Ritter. No words can truly do this hack justice. For a truly unmatched experience, check out a sample chapter from his book, "The Hammer Will Fall". Go ahead - I dare you. ("IT HAD GONE OFF!")

-Bloody New Year. You kidding me? Seriously... what?

-The House of the Dead - not on par with the rest of the movies listed, but still a total embarassment to all involved. For all that's been said about how talentless Uwe Boll is, I don't think it can truly be grasped until you've seen "House of the Dead". ...That's not a recommendation.

-Camp Blood 1 & 2, Within the Woods - These movies are so astoundingly, brain-bustingly terrible that they really warrant no further description. Writer/director Brad Sykes is a demon and a scourge upon humanity. Stay away at all costs.

More recently, as I'm particularly irked by these two cinematic abortions, I'd recommend steering far clear of both Plasterhead and Broken (2007). Both have painfully, terminally stupid main characters, which, in my eyes, is the fastest way to turn a horror movie into a steaming pile of garbage. They don't really deserve to be on this list, but you'd do yourself a favor by heeding my advice.

Finally, because I've no other place for it: if you haven't, I'd highly suggest checking out the reviews at Something Awful for both Slaughter High (which I happen to really like) and Killing Spree (a Tim Ritter joint). Relatively unrelated, but they're fantastic and well worth a read whether you've seen the movies or not. Those can be found here:
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-r ... r-high.php
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-r ... -spree.php

Amusingly enough, while looking for those two, I stumbled upon a review of the aforementioned Camp Blood:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-r ... -blood.php

Terror at Tenkiller: Coma inducing, Lifetime movie-esque bore fest.
The House That Screamed
Hunting Humans: Good idea, poor execution.
Ax 'em: So unprofessional that you can hear them say "Cut!" and "Action"
The Last Slumber Party: Another one that nearly put me into a coma.
Bloody Murder: Nuff said!
Camp Blood series: Nuff said!
Cheerleader Massacre: The worst "Massacre" of the series.
Black X-Mas: A shame to the brilliant original. Great cast, some nice kills, but it feels more like an overlong, silly Goosebumps episode
Return to House on Haunted Hill: Well shot, decent acting, unlikebale characters, and anti-climactic story.
Ghost Ship: GRRRREAT backstory/opening, booooring movie.
13 Ghosts: Dark Castle CGI fest with good actors, acting annoying. Cool creepy ghosts though
Blood Massacre: WTF? What was the plot of this movie?
13: Nice concept, well shot at times, but too dull to function properly
House of the Dead: My only Uwe Boll experiance...and my last!
Slasher: Boring movie with fugly cast and horrible acting
Witchery: Blair and Hasselhoff...what a masterpiece this could have been.
Don't Answer the Phone: Dull and unexciting T.V movie-ish film.
Moutaintop Motel Massacre: Nice atmopshere, but too lifeless to be fun.
Offerings: Semi-enjoyable Halloween rip-off that, at times, feels like an unofficial remake.
Jack- O

http://blog.wired.com/games/2007/08/you ... ck-uw.html

Read this, what a fucking Cocksucka

His movies make me laugh and cry in Pain.

haha, I remember the boys of Night Shift Podcast (Podfather rest their pod-faded souls) challenging Uwe Boll to a boxing match.

As shitty as all his movies are, I think we can't blame it all on him necessarily. I mean, those shitty movies were going to be made, and he just happened to direct them. The real petition should be to stop letting studios make film adaptations of video games.

This petition is old as hell. I signed years ago.

Uwe Boll is exactly what you get when you cross a dyslexic hyper-active game geek and a fat prick. He's probably the kind of guy who sat next to you in Uni, smelling like sweat and balls and sweaty balls and droned on and on and on about how awesome such-and-such a game was, how much research he had done into it and how he wanted to make a game about such and such, only replace "game" with "film".

Now imagine being surprised when, instead of him fucking off and you never hearing from him again (thank god) he turns out to actually do what he said he was going to do.

And thus, the Legend Of Boll was born.